First, and Second, Thoughts?

It's been a long time since I blogged here, but this is the only place I can really make this entry. It might even simply be an exercise in catharsis...

I'm currently wrestling with the possibilities of a job move. I've made no secret of my desire for a Full Time HE Chaplaincy post, and was interviewed for one last year that, obviously, did not come to pass. Now I have another one coming up later this week. And, of course, I'm torn. It looks like a good post, with lots of potential in the best sense (i.e. a solid base to build upon and move on, rather than simply somewhere with lots of problems). It would cause my "career path" to move in a very distinct direction, away from the needs of running a church, or being too hidebound to a denomination, even into a notional 5 day week. Even if that last should be treated with caution, being absolved from having to steer a church, and with all the expectations of parish ministry, is a big plus. It would not only mean a move, with all the dislocation for the whole family that it entails, but renting or buying our own property.

None of these things are, in themselves major problems. They are not deal-breakers. At the same time I know that my Good Lady Wife is very happy here, all the more so since leaving my church to go somewhere else - and it has had major benefits for me, and our relationship. Likewise the children are settled. I still love my Uni post, and feel that things are really beginning to go places now, that I've got the connections and experience of the place that really count. And the parish? Well, it remains the weak point, the area I'm least motivated in, feel the least comfortable, least happy and in many ways the least effective (although I love the contact work with those on the fringes and in the schools). All in all I suppose that means I could be a lot unhappier. (Maybe I'm just resigned to my fate, in the parish at least).

I still can't hide the desire for the FT Chaplaincy, and this is a very good opportunity. All I can do is go and see, do my best at interview and presentation, and try to discern the best way ahead. When I start thinking about it I do find the prospect exciting, but I can't say I'm jumping up and down saying "this is mine! I really want this!"

We said 5-7 years here, and we haven't quite reached the lower limit. At the same time, these opportunities don't come up every day and I really don't want to have to move children from Secondary Schools, which gives us a deadline, if not an imminent one. My worst fear is to be stuck in this post and not be able to escape. Ideally, of course, I'd like to be able to lose one half of my role and for the other to be full-time, but although I believe in miracles, I think that's a miracle too far! Even then I can't hide the fact it would make a lot of sense to move further north, on many counts.

So, all in all, it's a little confusing a present. If you're the praying type, then prayers would be appreciated, and if not, I suspect you'll understand how I feel about this anyway.

All I can ask is that I will have a clear answer after Friday. Whether it's a polite refusal, a definite offer and a real feeling of rightness, or a definite feeling of "no, this isn't for me!"

Catharsis? A definite maybe!