Being ill and being human

So I foolishly went into work yesterday after a bad night full of phlegm and with a head like a pumpkin, a sort of Jack'o'Bear in a clerical collar. And after sitting, feeling uncomfortably warm in the office (and drinking tea, which is also a telling sign from this coffee-powered man), sneezing forcefully enough to send the castored-chair flying backwards, decided to head home, even deciding to miss an important meeting that evening.

Upon my arrival home I was sent to bed, and I'm glad I did what I was told. Then today, after another poor night and the same symptoms, I had to make the hard decision to say I shall not be at church, cancelling one service and dropping the other on my churchwardens.

And now, of course, although I'm definitely unwell, I feel something of a fraud. I've been able to do some desk work, and can concentrate on this and so forth. The two essential trips I've made today (both short distances on foot) have proved that I'm under par. Not so much a high temperature or headache, but slightly-reduced lung capacity. (And yes, I know that is something to watch out for with H1N1 too... not that I trust the various remote forms of diagnosis, especially after reading a recent New Scientist article.)

Add to that I've found a desire to be creative again (possibly arising from taking things easy for the last two weeks and the subsequent mid-week "week-end") - maybe even this blog has something to do with it. I find that I'm missing my old Geofiction haunt Eshraval too. I dropped out of that because I was finding myself unable to sustain the activity level needed (although nobody else seemed to worry about it!) So a I feel like I'm suffering from a sort of Chronic Creativity Deficit.

But, to get to the point, why do I feel a fraud? I decided to cancel appointments today, and on the strength of how I felt this morning it was right to withdraw from church services tomorrow. I still had to do a full morning of work, at least some of the stuff that had to be done. Why do I find it difficult to acknowledge the wisdom of stopping a while? Perhaps I just have an inflated sense of duty? I certainly feel that many folks in equvalent posts seem to work so much harder. Or is that just a reflection of tiredness?

Anyway, a blog post, and a real one, rather than humour. Which reminds me, I had a Poppleton moment some time back. I wonder if I can remember what it was? :)